I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
