he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
