areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
time to smoke my breakfast
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
