How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
