I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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