the condom got lost in my hair
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
