we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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