I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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