So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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