well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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