"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
