Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize