if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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