he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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