I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
it hurts more in the daytime
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
