There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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