I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
