naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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