3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
