He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
