So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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