I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
