K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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