just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
