Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
