And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
