I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
