I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
