He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
