Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
