walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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