he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He did a backflip because drugs
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