Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
