fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Send help, water and tortillas.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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