I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
