I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
