My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
it was like eating out sand paper
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
