i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
