please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
