I'm really into asian looking animals
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
