Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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