brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
