I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
