i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
