Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
