Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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