A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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