i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
