Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
