my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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