I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
