Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm like, not good at living.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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