We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
