i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So squirting runs in the family.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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