if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
