I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
