I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
