i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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