HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
