I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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