I wish my penis had an off switch
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
