On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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