do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize