I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he thought i was a dude.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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