Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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