He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
pop tarts are not kleenex
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
