you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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